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Reconnecting with a former family member is not always a taboo of Christa Burton

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Sometimes, there is a family member we really love, and in rare cases, the former bridge becomes the bridge that connects two old friends.

A few months ago, my mom sent me a previous girlfriend a message on Facebook.

The notice was on my phone as I filled my car. Oh oh. What was this? Mary * You have not contacted me before. My former and I had broken two years ago. What can Mary want?

Maybe … maybe I just will not open it for a while. One of the worst features of Facebook is that it shows someone when you read his message, and you need to suppress myself before I read this message.

Curiosity got better than me in two minutes. I clicked on the message and noticed my eyes and kept my finger ready on the phone screen button, if the message is more than you are ready to read and deal with.

Can not be more moderate. Mary had conducted a genealogy test for pleasure and indicated that she could have someone with my name and was approaching the birthday of a fifth cousin. I wondered if it could be me, I think it would be funny!

I clicked the message and took a deep breath. Driving home, Mary thought. She was nice to me when my wife and I were together. (When you’re an alias, that’s big, and frankly, not what you expected from the partners’ parents). The first time I met Mary, I was spending Christmas at her house. I was nervous. She immediately hugged me and led me to the living room, where I saw my name on it, hanging on the shelf with the rest of the socks. Christmas morning came, there was a small pile of gifts for me to open with the rest of the family. This was very much – I did not know how to handle this level of sweetness. Throughout the long weekend, my eyes continued to glow dangerously. I kept disappearing into the bathroom to pull myself out. I was 31 years old, and Christmas was the first time in my life that I felt an informal welcome without the effort of a partner’s family.

For the four years that her daughter had dated her, Mary was always very nice to me. Why did it bother me to see her name pop in my message box?

The reason for this is an undisclosed social rule about staying in touch with a former family. If the breakdown is difficult / emotionally / emotionally – if it is only quiet, mutual, and love “we are not suitable for each other” is a bit of a breakdown – usually everyone in the family camp goes to everyone in his separate way. permanently. Most of the time, it is for the best and you will not see or hear from anyone in your former family again. Perhaps you can stay friends with family members on social media. But liking anything or comment or other interaction? In the land of dating, this behavior is often inappropriate – a strange type, and perhaps unwelcome.

I used to be 100% in favor of eliminating all former family members associated with the former after separation. There was no excuse to stay in touch – whether you have harsh limits, or you’re weak, and if that means some loss of friendship, let it be. But I’ll be even smoother when you’re bigger. I began to think that it is not always strange or inappropriate to stay friends with the family of a former partner. What seems strange is actually investing a lot of time in a romantic partner’s family, getting to know them well over the years, and then suddenly stopping all contact forever in case of separation.

These relationships were sponsored by. Maybe your former lover loved her. Or a small sister you really care about and have fun with. What if you knew a previous family for many years? Is it not necessary to hope to see them again?

sometimes. There are certainly circumstances when the stop contact is best for all parties. If the relationship is bad or bad or ends horribly, or that continuous friendship conflicts with the wishes of a former partner or makes it uncomfortable, then … no. Friendship with a former family member is not true.

But if the pain of the collapse has eased over time, your former lover is fine with him, and neither side feels respected, it may be better to restore friendship with a former family member. Interesting and enjoyable relationships can lead.

Take my mom and my former friend. When I was a high school student, I founded Marco *, an old man. Marco was asking to share the students of our school from Italy. He was well-dressed and handsome, and he was dressed well – almost elegantly, in tight jeans (unheard of in the suburbs of Green Bay, Wisconsin around 1999-2000), and soft thin jackets. I am almost dated throughout the year. We had a lot in common. I was blond and wanted to go home and told everybody that a blond American girl had been dated. He loved making Italian delicacies complex, and I liked eating them. ideal.

But the person Marco really hit out was my mother. I will come home from choreography or rehearsal play sometimes to find everyone sitting on the couch chatting, spreading cookbooks on the coffee table, the Diet Doctor Peepers at hand.

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, that and that,” my mother said, closing cookbooks and standing. “You are having fun.”

“How long have you been here?” I will ask Marco.

“I came after school to wait for you, I love your mother.”

“really?”

“It’s a great.”

Imagine talking to my mother as if she were a person.

When he returned to Italy in Italy, Marco and I remained in touch a little, and then we left contact a few years later. One day, my mother asked me if she could get Marco’s address. I gave it to her. She and Marco began to write to each other regularly, maintaining a completely separate friendship for more than a decade, until her death. They just loved each other. They met me, but my part was over. It was their friendship that was borne after our disintegration, and I am happy about it. Their lives were richer for them.

I’m not saying it’s always better to try and reconnect with a previous family. Often, it is best to leave broken relationships. But re-contacting a former family member may not be a hard taboo that I thought was always. The people we come to love are complemented by their families. Often, they are people we would never have met. Sometimes, there is a family member you really love – the person who made you feel welcome, or someone who might make you laugh until the cold coffee from your nose runs out. Sometimes – in rare cases – your lover becomes the bridge that connects two old friends.

* The name has been changed